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متلازمة بوز المدفع

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فسحة – عرب 48 / هديل أبو صالح

تدرس الحقوق في جامعة تل أبيب، ناشطة طلّابيّة.

بدايةً، نولد، نجرّب، فنتعلّم آليّات اختيار المعارك. نهايةً نذوّتها فنعتمدها، “خلص تكوني بوز مدفع”، قالت أمّي منتقدةً آليّات اختياري للمعارك؛ ففي العالم نوعان من الهجوم: الأوّل عشوائيّ، لا يتعلّق بتحيّن الوقت المناسب، بل بغرائز عفويّة، ولحظيّة، وعابرة. الثاني إستراتيجيّ، يجلس المهاجم منتظرًا اللحظة الّتي تضمن له تقدّمًا على خصمه، وتعكس موازين القوى. وعلى ما يبدو، فالوالدة من مناصري المدرسة السالف ذكرها. فهمت نظريّة المدفع لاحقًا، لكنّي لم أستطع إيجاد حلّ لسيندروم بوز المدفع حتّى اللحظة.

لا يولَد الإنسان مهيّأً للحرب، ولا موقنًا لدوره، بل على العكس، نولد مقيَّدين بحدود يرسمها لنا محيطنا، محدودي التأثير، عديمي القوّة، ضعيفي القرار؛ فنحاول اختراقها، وندرّب أنفسنا على ممارسة الذات، محاولين رسم حدودنا الخاصّة، ليستعيد كلٌّ منّا مكانه، ويعلن نفسه دولةً مستقلّة من التبعيّة لسلطة السائد.

في كون موازٍ، فلنسمّه “كون الدول المستقلّة”، كان يمكن أن يكون لي دور آخر يختلف عن “بوز المدفع”، في كون موازٍ، حيث لا وجود للأزمات الوجوديّة، للقتل على خلفيّة شرف العائلة، للحواجز، للقوالب الجندريّة، للرأسماليّة، لآل سعود، لأبي مازن، وللقطايف المحشوّة بالنوتيلا تحديدًا، سأكون أقلّ حدّة، أقلّ شكًّا، أقلّ توتّرًا وقلقًا. لكن في هذا البعد، عتادنا أفكارنا، شكّنا، وتساؤلاتنا، نقوّيها تارةً ويُضعفها السائد تارةً أخرى، إلّا أنّنا، ومع الوقت، ككلّ جيش يتأهّب لمباغتة خصمه، نتصرّف بما يلائم مَنْ حولنا، فنفتعل الشبه بما هو مختلف عنّا، والانتماء إلى ما لا يحاكينا، ونبتعد عن “محلّنا”؛ فيكون الوجود مزدوجًا، علّنا في المواجهة القادمة نعبر إلى ذواتنا، فأنتقل من كوني جنديًّا أعزل، في مسرحيّة لا أملك أبعادها، أهدافها وتبعاتها، لأكون سيّدة مصيري، وتتلاشى الحدود بيني ونفسي، وتتّضح الحدود بيني وما حولي ومَنْ حولي. أرمي الأقنعة لمَنْ يحتاج إليها، وأمضي حين تسنح لي الفرصة، وحين لا تشاء الظروف أحاول التأقلم.

في بعض الأحيان تختلط عليّ الأمور، ولا أجد داخلي القوّة لفصل تأثير محيطي، فأغرق فيه ومعه. أفضل طريقة لإنقاذ نفسك عند الغرق التوقّف عن المقاومة والحركة، أو على الأقلّ هذا ما نصّ عليه كتيّب وزّعوه علينا قُبَيل العطلة الصيفيّة في الصفّ الثالث، سواء كان هذا دقيقًا علميًّا أم لا، فإنّني آمر جنودي، الأفكار الأحرار، أن يتوقّفوا عن المقاومة أحيانًا، اسمح لنفسك أن تطفو “وچو ويذْ ذا فلو” يا حبيبي. لكن سرعان ما تعود الأمور إلى ما كانت عليه، فأتأهّب، أنا “بوز المدفع”، إلى جانب جنودي للمعركة القادمة، ويعلو صوت قرع الطبول الدراماتيكيّ من حولي مجدّدًا.

في أحيان أخرى، أحلّق بذهني إلى تلّة دولتي المستقلّة في كون الدول المستقلّة، الأفق صافٍ والهواء عليل. لكن في تلك اللحظات تحديدًا، عندما يغطّي الهدوء مساحات شاسعة حولي، حيث لا سبب للقلق وكلّ شيء على ما يرام، أدرك أنّ تصوّري لانتصاري لم يكتمل، لن يكتمل. اكتمال السلم وانتهاء النزاع مع كلّ ما يقيّدنا، يؤطّرنا، يُقصينا ويرفضنا، يعني أنّنا توقّفنا عن الشكّ، التفكير، الوجود، وسلّمنا بما سُلِّمنا.

البحث عن محلّي مستمرّ، ما زلت أحاول تعلّم السباحة في المحيط، وتسلّق تلال دولتي المستقلّة، ربّما كلّ ما أحتاج إليهه اشتراك في النادي الرياضيّ.

 

* تُنشر هذه المادّة ضمن ملفّ “محلّيّ”، بالتعاون مع حركة شباب حيفا.

 المزيد عن : نص /سرد /أدب /محلي /مجلة /حركة شباب حيفا /هديل أبو صالح /أدب /نص سيري /الأفكار والقيم

 

 

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