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Home » البرودة الجنسية عند المرأة، حقيقة أم خرافة؟

البرودة الجنسية عند المرأة، حقيقة أم خرافة؟

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يطيب لنا تشبيههن بالثلج أو بالرخام. ولكن هؤلاء النساء اللواتي ندّعي كونهنّ باردات لايطلبن سوى من يشعل رغباتهن. فهل تكون حياتهن الجنسية معطّلة، أم غريزتهن فيسبات، أم مناطق الشبق لديهن في حداد؟ أسئلة تُطرح وتُحلّ من زوجٍ لزَوج.

نسمع كثيراً عن نساء باردات يقال عنهن ما يقال عن الجليد والقطب الشمالي وصقيع سيبيريا ويُحكى أيضاً ما يُحكى في دواوين الرجال المقفلة عن تلك الفتاة الرائعة الجمال التي ابتعد عنها زوجها ليرمي بنفسه وبأحلامه في أحضان امرأة قليلة الجمال ساخنة المزاج.وما صحّة ما نسمع عن فلان الذي ترك بيته وعزّه ومجده لاحقاً بحوريّة من غير مقامه جعلته يكتشف مؤخراً ملذّات تختٍ كان اعتقده مؤلّفاً فقط من شراشف ووسادات؟

ليست حكراً على الهرمونات

يقول مثل فرنسي شائع: “ليس هناك نساءٌ بارداتٌ هناك رجالٌ لا يعرفون التصرّف”. كثيراً ما يحصل الخلط بين أمرين مختلفين إنخفاض الرغبة وانخفاض التجاوب، مع العلم بأنّ هناك تأثير للرغبة على التجاوب، والعكس صحيح.

هناك نساء تضمحلّ عندهن الرغبة، إلى حدّ الإختفاء وذلك لأسبابٍ متعدّدة. إنّ كل ما يشغل البال ينعكس سلباً على المخزون الجنسي ويشغل المرأة عن اهتمامها بحميميّتها حتى تنسى أنّها امرأة. كل مرضٍ، كل مشكلة، كل هاجس يُترجَم في اللاوعي آنيّاً او بشكل مزمن، بالإنصراف عن الإنتباه للحيوية الجنسية وتكون البرودة هنا، في أغلب الأحيان، عابرة، تذهب أدراجها مع زوال المسبّب، ولا يجب إعطاؤها أهمية أكبر مما تستحقّ. هناك انخفاض في الرغبة يعود إلى تلاعب في التوازن الهورموني الذي يسيّر الكثير من ردّات الفعل والرغبة هي من ضمن هذه التفاعلات. يحصل هذا بشكلٍ طبيعي خلال الدورة الشهريّة التي تتضمّن تفاوتات في مستوى هذه الهورمونات والتفاعلات في أجسامنا. يحصل هذا أيضاً مع دخول المرأة عمر انقطاع الدورة، أو ما يسمّى في لغتنا العربية سنّ اليأس. هذه التسمية التي يجب العمل لغويّاً على استبدالها بما يفي بالغرض المطلوب من دون أن نلبس النساء وشاح التعاسة.

إحذري الروتين

عند سنّ الإنقطاع وبعده، تمرّ الرغبة بصحراء ليست قاحلة تجتازها المرأة دون صعابٍ كثيرة.إن انقطاع الميعاد لا يعني أبداً ذوبان الرغبة. غالباً ما تمرض هذه الرغبة بالداء العضال الذي يتربّص بها منذ سنوات، إنّه الروتين. أعني به الروتين في الحياة كما في السرير، بما يحمل من انعدام التجدّد، من ملل ومن تكرار متعب ومميت. فالرغبة هي مرادف للمفاجأة، للإبتكار، للخلق، للجديد، للمغامرة ولكل ما يكسر طوق الإنسياب اليومي لترداد ما تعوّدنا عليه. ليس ما يحطّم الرغبة مثل النسخ. عندما يكون نهارنا نسخة منقّحة عن نهارات ولّت، وليالينا إعادة لليالٍ سابقة، ويكون سرير اليوم مثله مثل كل سرير، عندها تنتحر الرغبة ويموت الزخم ويعود السرير مكاناً للنوم فقط. فالرغبة هي أبعد ما يكون عن ببّغاءٍ في قفص، إنها طائر حرّ طليق يعشق اللحن الجديد والبقاع التي لم يحلّق فوقها من قبل.

الرأس هو الأساس

وككل شيء حيّ، يلزم الرغبة بعضاً مما يعطي الإطمئنان والهناء، فهي تعشق الحنان من قبل الآخر واهتمامه. هذا الإهتمام الذي يحيي التجاوب ويبعثه. وكثيراً ما يكون عدم الإكتراث من قبل الشريك مصدر البرودة، خصوصاً عندما يتصرّف الرجل وكأنّ ما يريده أولاً وآخراً من العلاقة الجنسية هو إشباع رغباته من دون الإلتفات إلى ما تتطلّبه الحالة الجنسية عند المرأة، والتي تختلف في كثيرٍ من أوجهها عنها عند الرجل. فإذا كانت الرغبة عند هذا الأخير تتجاوب في غالب الأحيان بسرعة وبمجرّد وجود موضوع الإثارة، فإنّ التجاوب عند المرأة يحتاج وقتاً أكبر وشروطاً أكثر. وغالباً ما يتسرّع الرجل وينتهي من كل شيء قبل أن تبدأ مشاعر المرأة بالتحرّك. تصبح حينها العمليّة الجنسيّة أشبه بأشغال شاقة بالنسبة إليها وتحاول قدر الإمكان التهرّب منها. وكم هناك من نساء تزوّجن ولم يشعرن ولو لمرّة بالرعشة، وهن ما زلن لا يعرفن معناها بعد عشرين سنة زواج؟

إنّ مركز الإثارة الرئيسي عند المرأة يكمن في رأسها. عندما يدخل الرأس بما فيه من فكر وعقل وعاطفة في الموضوع، يصبح الباقي مسألة سهلة. من هذا “الباقي” ما نسمّيه الأعضاء الجنسية. نعرف أنّ قسماً كبيراً من النساء يتهيّجن من البظر) (Clitoris، هذه المنطقة الصغيرة الموجودة فوق ثقب التبوّل، ونسمّي هذه النساء بظريّات. بينما هناك اللواتي لا يتجاوبن إلاّ من داخل المهبل، ولا يشكل عندهن البظر أي أهمية، ونسمّيهن مهبليات. وهناك من هن مزيج من هاتين الحالتين. لكن في الحقيقة، إنّ جسم المرأة كله باستطاعته أن يتحوّل إلى بظر، وكل منطقة منه تصبح مساحة تهيّج وتجاوب.

والعمر، هل إن له من دور؟ وهل أن الرغبة تشيخ؟

أذكر أن شخصاً أتى إلى عيادتي يسألني هل أنّ الطب يسمح بممارسة الجنس لشخص في عمره؟ وكان في ربيعه الثاني والتسعين. أخبرني أنه التقى مجدداً بصديقته القديمة التي كان تركها منذ 60 سنة! المفاجأة عندي كانت أنّها، هي، تكبره بسنة.

 د. أنطوان ضاهر

ELLE عربية

 

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